Journeying through Brasil has been of a new kind, the travel I could, so far, be the most truthful to myself and with conscious efforts, not deviate from my path. It came with a vast propositions of situations, places and people, and the choice was there for me to make at each moment, on where to stand, weither getting involved or withdraw.
The real initiatic part of this journey was to keep conscious about the choice that resides in every moment and to trust more my intuition and my own body intelligence. Scanning through each situation, grasping the quality of the possible exchange, identifying distraction and empty socialising that does not resonate with who I am, not taking everything in my field just because it is there on the path. And on special occasions, recognizing a special resonance with an other and honouring the time shared together. Honouring the time spent with my self, not looking for those encounters, knowing it is probable they will naturally be a part of the journey, knowing that they are rare. Life will always be full of propositions. The reality I am living in, the decisions I make and the actions I take have shifted a lot the past months.
The traps of empathy and codependency
Looking back at my past travels, it’s easy for me to see by which unconscious forces they were driven. A first weakness and lack of self knowledge was my inability to place healthy boundaries between me and others, feeling so much of them within me and having no center to get in touch with. I grew up in an emotionally and sensorially manipulated environnement where I learned to doubt my perceptions. I couldn’t differenciate what was mine and what was not and I did not understand how I function. My main way of being is through feeling. It is not tangible. Life is patiently initiating me and slowly I am building more inner insurance. As I was walking through life completely unprotected, I used to dismiss very often my intuition and body intelligence. As I am becoming more and more aware of my own wiring, another important lesson was to stop projecting good intentions onto others, for not everyone carries good intentions, and, more and more, to see others as who they are, instead of as who I am. Recognizing the frequency of the interaction, of the demand, of the entering in my field. Long I lived my live not to offend anyone, submitting myself to the ways of the world as I wouldn’t stand for my own truth. Energetic games are at stake wherever we go, as vital energy is much more a currency than it seems. How, where and with whom are we spending our lives? We are collectively so entrapped into deep programmation that our travels are generally of no risk for the control system. So we are free to travel, because we will travel with all our inner programmation that will keep us within the range of predictable choices. Many travellers sure look for answers and are very curious beings. Still, for me, it’s generally hard to find a resonance with their ways of travelling. Learning to keep my quest fully alive while travelling came with the necessary need not to engage with the majority of the people I would meet on the road. This way, finally, I had sufficient time to tune in with what is going on within me, to pay attention to the information my body is giving me, not to be overwhelmed by other people’s fields of energy, no matter how nice they are and well-intentioned they appear to be (a lot of interactions that seem nice still come with an energetic burden). Each of us has to start to unfold the path with a desire coming from deep within, often at a time when the suffering gets so intense, it starts to be unbearable, but something within does not want to give up; the warrior flame is burning.
Mind-programs: working vs. travelling
As for in any fields, there are a lot of projections about travellers and travelling. It is very common for me to feel people’s projections (one of them being the desire of escape) onto my travels and my life generally through the fragmental bits they can see from my social media activity (and this even if I stay silent for months). The program of “working/sacrificing lifetime to earn money (one kind of enslavement)” is generally widespread. But isn’t the real call for work linked to our spiritual evolution? I don’t consider my life as a holiday, and it’s not supposed to be anyway. As I am following my inner truth, I can observe that life is supporting me in my process, especially as I keep out of the fear frequency. How I am spending my time (weither I am travelling or not) is very different from what I hear from general projections. Research and accessing a deeper self-knowledge are occupying my days. Each day, I am working hard because I choose to do so, even when travelling, especially when travelling, or in places that gather big groups of people like festivals, always an energetic challenge for me where many things are at stake despite the generalised ignorance.
Pros and cons in Brasil
I loved Brasil from the moment I set a foot on it. My body instantly relaxed when in touch with the vibration of the land and its people. I appreciated how Brasilians interact with each other, acknowledging their neighbours by a brief spontaneous greeting, not leading to an everlasting sticky exchange. Their desire to be of help fortified the trust and faith in life within me. I knew there would be an echo to a call for help, an echo which I find rarer in the western world, where a question in the street often leads to a body withdrawal as first movement. The punition frequency, the suspicion frequency, were both generally absent. I appreciated to be able to walk freely, not feeling demeaned by male gaze, not being categorised by the color of my skin or my gender. Women especially have been on various occasions putting a veil of protection over me, through true compassion and care for one another. Alongside with divine assistance, this direct human help kept me away from dangerous or harmful environnements. Other times though, I recognized that some apparently helpful behaviour was a service to the self, from people watching themselves doing something they considered generous or caring, fortifying a belief about themselves, feeding a distorted (and ego-based) self image, without caring a bit about what the others’ real needs were. It was surely about them more than about anyone else. It is subtle but all is frequency. Other times, help was being parasited by the general self destructive inner programming going on in the world, leading people to widespread harmful habits due to a lack of self-care, self-love and self-knowledge. As we go on our quests, we are always surrounded by people and thus their habits (and levels of awareness).
Days of simplicity, curiosity & nature
Some days I was amazed to see more dimensional depth into the colors of landscapes, the colors of the trees, sky, lights and horizon. As if softly a veil was slowly disappearing from my vision. It comes hand in hand with the detoxification process. The grey, the tarnished, everything regains its magic. I am grateful for the beauties of life, waking up for a hammock/river/sea sunrise, learning to slow down in the middle of a frenetic world, not pursuing the next peak experience. Getting inspired, practicing my own set of yoga, preparing juice I had never heard of (cacau), getting excited by the sight of organic cosmetic products or local honey. Smudging myself with Breu Branco and its citrus fragrance, a white resin from a sacred tree traditionnally used in tribes to pass knowledge to the younger ones, to open the door of memory. Travelling is not about seeing all the “major spots” in a nutshell, guided by the mind who wants to do more, see more, always more. And never reaching satisfaction. I love when days are becoming like a white page, for my spirit can keep curious to welcome the new challenges and opportunities that the rythm of life is sending my way as I keep paying attention to what I will accept on my pages. Being connected to nature and learning new things have been helpful motivators for me to pursue my work of self-observance.
In Brasil, “saudade” is a sort of longing/nostalgia/melancholy for the country (and its people) when Brasilians are away. Brasil is sure a very special land and Brasilians have a tremendous potential because they have kept a large access to kindness and compassion. Nevertheless, infections of modern times (all kinds of programming through all kinds of different angles) keep this wonderful potential asleep. What is missing here, as for in the world, is deep knowledge of the self first and foremost.
Sometimes in the midst of the most beautiful places, I felt like in a nightmare. I have found miserable in the most stunning and pristine places of the world. My poor sense of boundaries was revealing itself to me. I had developped myself in passivity and I had no clue what it meant to be actively me. I used to walk with stones in my shoes without stopping and taking them out. I was numb, I had lost the ability to feel the unconfort. The choices of when and where didn’t matter in my travel choices: no matter where I would have gone, I would have ended up meeting similar fragmented souls suffering from narcissic disorder, I would have ended up being treated poorly and walked over, feeling the projections of unresolved traumas, until I would stand up for myself and continue my inner construction where it had been damaged.
When we travel together somewhere, for a moment we form a team, even if we are strangers, individuals merging into a collective energy. It has to do with taking our minds together and create a reality together. When I travel now, I am not looking to meet anyone, a meeting that will be lifechanging. They rarely are. I learned that they are brought to my life through some unfathomable and unpredictable laws. I learn much about the rules of our Earth. And I validate for myself the extent of my inner journey, I self recognize it.