Savior complex, people-pleasing and victimhood consciousness: confronting shadows as a way to open new doors for relating to reality
I used to be confused by the contradictory messages I was receiving: on the one hand, what others people were presenting as the truth, on the other hand, what my body was trying to let me know. In the end, my mind would win the battle and find a logic explanation, ruling over my body who was more and more silenced and numb. I couldn’t see how I developed myself to be someone who was pleasing others and letting them overpower me, in the perpetual game of domination and energy exchange. I couldn’t see how my attitude was too receptive, too passive. I couldn’t see how I had lost the grip of being actively who I am. It appears clear to me now, how I was bending energy as I was searching for external love, validation and recognition. The real challenge for my recovery was to find a way out of the famous drama triangle Persecutor-Rescuer-Victim. I was hunted in my psyche by loops of thoughts connected to the victimhood frequency. It took me time to understand how and why I was a vibrational match for perpetrators, trace the areas where I was giving up on my own responsibility and where I had given up on my own Truth and values.
So, I turned into a detective to understand why no matter where I would go, I would always end up left with a feeling of injustice, feeling like an object not worth of any love; why my experience of reality was so limited and why my ideals would stay out of reach. I could sometimes feel like the frequency or thoughts I was finding myself in didn’t have an exit door and that would be my best indicator to indicate me that something was needed to be done to illuminate these areas of blind spots. Nowadays, I can see how the low frequency hidden forces enjoy very much to pair truth seekers who have the original sparks with deeply wounded individuals (handlers), influencing their thoughts at the moment of entering the relationship and neutralizing the one with the most potential for a while in terms of energy and time which get vacuumed by the dynamic of the relationship.
One by one, I started to make decisions to remap my own wiring from people pleasing and cease some of the bonding based on conditional love where I had to give up a part of my vital energy. I stopped ways of numbing and escaping myself, including drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, râpé and food stimulants (including salt, coffee, green tea, matcha and cacao). All these substances did help me to cope with my traumas at some point yet my spirit was asking for a path of clarity on the sober side. It was time to come back to my body sensations and awareness, with increasing awareness of everything that triggers me. The real work was starting.
I observed that projecting hatred, destruction or unresolved deep suffering outwards can give a sense of temporary relief. It is a choice in the moment. My upbgringing was far from perfect but beyond the limitations and programming of my mother, I have been initiated to the sanity of being greatly loved by her. About my father who is a handler, he is programmed in a way that he is covertly hostile to me and he has been used in order to keep me in my programming as a non real player programmed to believe he is friendly and caring while he is deeply plugged to the matrix and matrix options. Accessing a place of understanding for my handlers has been one of the most challenging exercises of my life. From time to time, I would reach an epiphany and a space of healing. What I wanted was a permanent knowing engrammed deep within my cells so I would not have to go back and forth. It took years and it came by layers. For a few years, my body was still remembering the post-traumatic choc about the damages of the engineering in my daytime reality. There was no bypass to release and set free the memory of the experience. It would take time.
These life confrontations have been a powerful opportunity of evolution, an invitation to get to know my own wiring better, observe what triggers me, clean my body vessel, align with my morals and my clair sentient abilities, learn about my physical, emotional and spiritual boundaries and deprogram very active people-pleasing patterns. It has also been the chance to learn to watch the hidden motivation behind every action or thought (for myself and for others) and to be more discerning. Resentment and rumination vanished. Everyday, as it becomes less and less personal, I am tuning more and more to the collective energetic battle that we are leading in this reality where mind control is ruling. Nonetheless, fear is still present by my side from time to time, it is the fear to experience more suffering. And I see that my unconscious can still be leading the way, falling for the extreme engineering at play here.
Two sides of the polarity within the infinite spectrum
People pleasing aspects are also challenging to be dealing with, in contrast to narcissistic patterns: in frequencies, both are distorted and not the core self, on different sides of the deviant spectrum. The savior tries to make other people feel better about themselves, while he is not aware of the negative core beliefs that he himself carry; it is like a bleeding wound. Both polarities distort reality, both are projections of unresolved trauma and are equally not representative of the Truth. I have learned to think about it twice when I feel an urgent desire (a trigger) to make someone feel better about themselves. Where does that need come from? If I look closely enough, it often has something to tell me about my own savior programming or about my programming to victim consciousness. What most people don’t realize is that they are run by a program that bends reality. That’s in the way preventing true healing to happen. Frequency though absolutely does not lie.
Deconstructing the feeling of entitlement linked to victimhood frequency
One of the greatest initiations in this Earth plane is the one with extremely corrupted spirits. How to exit the dynamics and drama triangle victim/savior/persecutor and walk towards maturity and spiritual adulthood ? Tracing the Shadow Victim within ourselves isn’t easy or evident, especially at first. It first starts with stopping to look outside of oneself for comfort, support or feeling of empowerment. It continues with the realization that the loss of power happens from within and that there is no one else to blame. I realised no matter where I would have gone, I would have been facing the same kind and variations of scenarios. Our times are not a time to be naive and ignorant, it’s a time to shield up and connect with the warrior within.
It takes a day to day education to learn to see perpetrators with new glasses, see the stories through new angles, understand the teaching lessons hidden under the surface of the visible. Perpetrators are unconsciously projecting their biased judgments about themselves onto one another, including their worthlessness and feeling of inadequacy. It is up to us to become actors of our own destinies instead of victims of it. The perpetrators as the victims are masters at feeding the plague of victimhood. They easily appear to be victims for the untrained eyes. Their sense of grandiosity comes from a deeply buried shame, it is only a cover-up that is meant to compensate their unconscious sense of inferiority.
The need to create a dynamic of power, to feed from someone’s else hurt, is not only feeding the perpetrator, but also invisible forces feeding from human despair and emotions of a similar frequency. As soon as a dynamic of power, a hierarchy, is created, a disbalance happens and no real encounter based on equality can take place. However, it’s only in a place of balance and equality that true healing can happen. Advanced spiritual practitioners won’t use any form of authority that is conferred by their skills to gain power over someone else.
The negation of one’s needs, being neglected as a toddler will lead to codependent distortion which can manifest on various spectrum of the polarity: both sides have learned to feed off from external inputs, some become people pleasers and adapt in taking care of others, others learn to play the martyrs, others never develop skills of empathy and stay stuck in an arrested development. I thought taking responsibility for someone else was responsible. It isn’t. The shift of responsibility, the savior complex or the game of blame all create distortion. I had to learn about when, if and how it’s right to intervene in someone’s life and what equality is about, outside of these dynamics of power. There is a difference of frequency and intention between a generous unconditional action and an attempt at rescuing. Authentic help is without expectation for reciprocation. It is empowering and encouraging self responsibility instead of dependency for those who are being assisted.
After physically and spiritually closing the door to some unfulfilling relationships, I went through hevy psychic attacks. Some forces would feed from my disempowered state and would try to keep me in a very low frequency loop thought. For some time, it wasn’t easy to overcome. Parts of the intense ruminations were coming from the emotional invalidation from my own perceptions while in the relationships, the trauma from gaslighting, which is a very widespread form of mind-control. I was conscious I was holding on to resentment for what I was considering as betrayals and cruelty, but which were in fact the projections of unconscious trauma and the result of mind control. In a lot of situations, I would feel it was unfair, unjust. Feeling entitled for something (whether it is respect, validation or reparation), anything, is revealing the victimhood frequency in ourselves. I remember feeling a great deal of distorted empathy when confronted to stories of people who were treated poorly by life and who always ended up being victims of something. I wanted to grow out of the victim frequency so this story would have no hold on me any longer. Denial, guilt and shame, the fear to be witnessed as doing a mistake in the form of experiment, are keeping us entrapped.
I wouldn’t change a thing. I have learned a lot from people suffering from narcissistic woundings in my life. I have discovered my own woundings in the opposite range of the polarity. I took my naive glasses off and I started to see the world more as it is instead of the projection I had of it. I learned about real compassion which differs from blind compassion, and how to manage my emphatic abilities. We become more empowered while we develop a wiser compassion. I learned what it means to have firmer boundaries, whether they are spiritual, physical or emotional. I learned about expressing, naming and calling out distortion. I understood the necessity to reconnect to my body intelligence and its infinite technology. These interactions have been a very fruitful soil for me to grow. My quest has revealed to me how fractured the human mind is and how widespread mind-control is. This led me to remember about the hidden aspects at play here. I understand how trauma affects the real sparks here and how much engineering is at play in relationships.
On the road of integrity I also have seen my popularity and exterior validation decreases as I am aligning more with my inner truth and as I keeping moving out of many people pleasing patterns. I know ways I could get more approbation and external validation, I just am not interested to act upon this knowledge. I feel more whole inside of me. There is no other way to go. I extensively worked on excavating the wounding of unworthiness, not feeling recognized, seen or heard. I am tracing my thought patterns and I identify which scenario is being played again in my life and in my head. I have learned not to listen to the open wound. I try not to. Many people can’t see me where I am at, because of where they are at. It doesn’t have anything to do with me. I am not less or more if I am more validated or more publicly recognized. One can only see the depth they have explored themselves. What matters is what we feel is important for us to give birth to today even if it doesn’t make sense for others. I learned that my spirit family comes (and goes) one by one into my life, and they never come from angles I could have predicted. It’s like a spiral of cosmic mathematics. It’s not possible to make a cube fit in a round hole shape form. I am moving out of these patterns to go and adventure in unknown territories where history doesn’t have to repeat.
The necessity to move from blind compassion to a more integrated heart centered way of living
I had quite a naive vision of compassion before coming to terms with reality and being in direct contact with narcissistic, borderline, psychopathic disorders and other types of dark patterns in others coming from the mk ultra programs. What an initiation. It guided me to sharpen my idea of compassion, from blind compassion to a more integrated understanding of it. We make different choices about how we react to triggers and trauma. Where we choose to stand. Some tend to exploit interpersonal relationships and are very deceitful. Not everyone is meant to access the highest forms of the human experience and resist mind control. Nowadays people with emphatic skills are being held away from positions of power, as recruitment is focused on the selection of the most psychopathic features through psychological tests. It has become necessary for the architects to be able to spot corruption entry points within candidates, finding the chosen ones because not every being will accept to act cold blooded, but certain profiles and races will do.
Sometimes, the resolution has to be found by walking away. I was trying to connect with the perpetrators, not seeing them for who they are, broken individuals who are being vectors of forces greater than themselves. There is no point to expect a compassionate attitude from there.
When we can see both sides of the polarity operating, there is a possibility to transform the situation by seeing beyond the polarized state, reaching a space of neutral yet compassionate witnessing. Every year, a new layer of comprehension is added to the experience coming from this exposure. It is a journey away from victimhood which is so engrammed in human history to creatorship and a world of new possibilities. Accessing a place of understanding for the extreme engineering at play has been one of the most challenging exercises of my life.
My story came with the necessary education about the world psychopathy and a more hyperdimensional perspective that reveals how the ones who appear to be perpetrators are under mind control. Some amongst us don’t have to face their own shame. Anything is valid in order for them to get what they want. They have no sense of boundaries as they don’t have to feel the emotional consequences of their actions, their range of experiences is limited. Remorse is a safe-guarding feeling. A true intimate relationship sees both parties being the safe-guarder of another shadow, trying to keep away from judgment and denial, holding space for the wounding of the other person. Further than humane concept of compassion, there is divine compassion from which guilt, shame and sin are absent.
Learning to moderate what I share with whom was a necessary step. I learned to recognize, where is it a safe space for me to express? I learned to scan for emotional skills within others. And when I am not sure, I observe some more. Betrayal is an opportunity for a deep initiation. There are initiations that we need to go through and that are linked to the history of this plane here, where deception, distortion, counterfeit and polarity have been installed by artificial means. There is a hidden alchemical path, where nothing has to be forgiven. It only takes a handful of spirits to change the course of things down here.
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